Unwasted Opportunity

I spoke to a man today who could barely look me in the eye. He looked up once to ask, “Could I have another cup of water?” as if he thought I might say no. He spoke so softly that I struggled to hear him. The walls around his heart were high and it didn’t seem like they were coming down anytime soon. I couldn’t figure out why this one struck me so much when every patient I encountered was homeless or addicted or sick. At least this man could stay conscious as I spoke to him. However, after a little more conversation it finally hit me. He reminded me of someone from home. Someone who also had walls around his heart, someone I’d worked to build a relationship with for over two years. Someone I’d hesitantly shared the gospel with through a written letter for the first time.

One of my biggest fears about coming to Kensington for three weeks is that I’d walk away just thankful to be out of the city, back in my comfort zone.

During the first week, I wrote this in a prayer: “I want so badly to be touched by areas like this, to care about homelessness and see the root of drug addiction and think about the people here before I think about the danger… What if I don’t? Lord, You’ve given me the opportunity, please don’t let me waste it.”

Meeting this quiet, guarded man confronted that fear head-on. It suddenly occurred to me that Jesus loves this man the same way that I love that person back home. I certainly knew this in my head, but it seemed as though my heart had finally caught up. These people seem so different from me, but they are known by the same Father who knows me. I won’t begin to claim that I have the compassion that I should, and I’ll be the first to say that the people here have helped me so much more than I’ll ever help them. However, today I was graciously given the chance to see my Father’s heart for his children a little more. “Break my heart for what breaks Yours” became a little more real.

I didn’t get to share the gospel with this man. I didn’t even get to pray with him. There’s a real chance I’ll never see him again. Even so, he changed the way I see people. My new prayer for the time I have here is that I’ll trust God’s ability to change my heart and use me, even if I’m not “feeling it.” That, and that I will meet this man again on the other side of heaven.