07.07.2017
When I was scheduled to write the blog on July 7th, I knew this would be a special day. I don’t like to over spiritualize things, but I really felt as if there was a divine purpose for my blog assignment date. And there was. Just like there was a divine purpose for my coming on this mission trip.
I came to SMI after struggling with it for a while. As a newlywed, I didn’t want to stay three weeks away from my husband; I had plans to visit my parents in Texas; I have dietary restrictions I wasn’t sure if they could accommodate; and as a medical student I needed a source of income for the summer. Going on this trip was the last thing I thought I’d end up doing. Right before my eyes, though, God opened all the doors that were closed and sent me to SMI. Here I am now, on day 14.
Yesterday I woke up feeling sick. I have GI issues but managed to work through them during the trip. This time, though, I didn’t think I’d be able to. I just wanted to stay in my bed with my heating pad, close to a bathroom. However, I needed to be downstairs in 15 minutes to set up breakfast. I wanted to call my husband for prayer but he was still sleeping. To be totally transparent, this is not just a physical but also a mental complication. Right away the anxiety started creeping up and threatening to keep me at an arm’s length. By God’s strength, I fought against it. Listening to the direction of the Spirit I decided to go, and something beautiful happened. During breakfast, simply being around my brothers and sisters I felt a healing presence. The pain went away completely. Earlier I had doubted I was going to be able to go to outreach, but I went and I am so glad I did. We connected to some individuals who shared very heavy things from their past, and we extended a little bit of God’s love and grace to them. An elderly woman who suffered from PTSD, another woman whose family was severely hurt physically and emotionally by church people, a young man in an abusive home environment with a traumatic past… the brokenness was deep, and it was everywhere we looked. But our team prayed and listened to these people, and some of them even wanted to come to church on Sunday. God’s Spirit of restoration was at work. Where sin abounds, grace abounds even more.
In the evening when we were back I also got to see brokenness and restoration at work. I and two of my SMI sisters were in charge of making thank you cards for people who contributed to the mission. Among many things that were far from ideal that night, there was miscommunication among the leadership, mostly from my end, and lack of organization and planning. I think most people would agree it was a fairly stressful night. But to me what stood out was not necessarily the assembly of the cards. I realized that our relationships with each other are way more important than any task we need to accomplish here. We are one, in Christ, and were brought together here for a purpose. I had forgotten that this purpose is to serve each other just as much as it is to serve the neighborhood and the people who contributed to the mission. It was a wake up call to the ministry of restoration that God is doing here. This ministry goes beyond my ability to organize 23 people to write 160 cards and sign all of them. I don’t have that ability, by the way. I realized that I prioritized the task over the love. That is not right. There was conflict that came up because of my switched up priorities, and I deeply regret it.
To the glory of God, these conflicts were resolved with grace and forgiveness. You see, God is passionate about reconciliation. The enemy is furiously trying to put us against each other. But always, always there is an opportunity for change, humility, and repentance. I am so humbled by what God did in my life through this relatively mundane experience of organizing thank you cards. It was nothing but mundane. It brought me closer to God and to my SMI family.
July 7th will be a day to be remembered. A day of brokenness and chaos, seeing people’s pain and suffering, but also of healing, restoration, and seeing God’s beautiful grace at work.
-Raissa Anstett